THE #1 TAROT QUESTION
The real-talk version of: what are Twin Flames, Soul Mates, and Karmic relationships, and how do I call in the love I feel I am ready for? You don’t need to book a session to find this one out. You don’t need to keep searching the Internet for some glossy but ultimately impractical information that will guarantee a heart-aching, time-consuming goose chase. Have a golden egg instead…
I am not exempt from falling into this semantics trap. Hell, my ignorantly painful experiences with it are a big reason for writing this article. My intent with most things is to distill whatever gifts or privileges I may have into insights that might remove unnecessary obstacles from another’s path. Suffering builds character to a point, but at another point not so far off, it reveals itself as an indulgent rut that only begets more personal and collective suffering.
This is the first part of a series addressing what these terms mean, how one is likely to become trapped by them, how one can use them productively, and how to better understand advanced, confusing psychic dynamics that might be experienced by a person on a spiritual self-development path navigating relationship.
And by the way, if you are using esoteric means and tools to help make any life decisions (e.g., having a casual tarot reading or going to the jungle or Burning Man and having a full-on “ceremony” alike), you are, naively, indirectly or half-assed as it may be at the time, still involving yourself with the spiritual path; opening the door to the occult comes with a responsibility that, like most commitments, isn’t usually clear at the outset and may feel much easier to get into than maintain or get out of.
WHAT YOU THINK YOU FEEL
Twin Flames, Soul Mates, and Karmics are all subjective variations of describing a complicated relationship dynamic that includes some elements of recognition or intense, even supernatural-seeming, emotion. The confusion arises because said recognition and emotion is not always directly connected to manifest, real-world actions taken by the individuals wearing the labels; yet, it seems triggered by perceived real-time interactions between these individuals.
If I feel so many intense things when I see or just think of this person, that must mean they are “the One”. Dangerously common is the corollary (i.e., start digging a grave): if I feel this around them or in thinking of them, that must mean they feel these things around me, too. This faulty reasoning can also play out with a fixation on someone from the past, or conversely, an obsession with “manifesting” a perfect “One” that has not yet been met.
For now, let’s deal with the classic case of someone perceiving themselves to be in a present-tense tricky love dynamic and wondering about what the other individual is feeling (the #1 tarot read question). And, of course, which one are they? The Twin Flame, the Soul Mate, or the Karmic?
Your person in mind might very well seem to react to similar, real-time emotional stressors, but your place in their emotional experience is likely to be more subjective. Years and years of giving tarot readings still shows that the average client walks in assuming or at least hoping that everything is consciously mutual, so I stick with that example. They must be feeling what I’m feeling, so show me proof. They very well could be. Needing it to be true off the bat is the issue I’m addressing.
Dig the grave a little deeper and jazz yourself into believing that this other person, who clearly is just as emotionally charged about the connection as you are, is too afraid to recognize “it” [i.e., enter phrase of choice: Twin Flame, Soul Mate, Karmic dynamic] for what it “must” be. Keep digging that grave by finding others to agree with you and/or challenge you into clinging even tighter to your belief. This must be part of the test.
Keep digging that grave until a coffin fits in it. THEY might not see it now, but YOU know. And, YOU have a trendy spiritual word to describe it, and the moral support of the equally confused, misinformed yet uplifting and hopeful spiritual community. So, you, “Awakened one” can be the strong one or the patient one for the both of you until your other half “wakes up”.
Unfortunately, most do not take the full step of going all the way, stepping into the metaphorical coffin, and triggering a potent spiritual ego death and conscious awakening. Instead, they delay and hang on the never-delivering promise of the vague spiritual word. Note that the terms Twin Flame, Soul Mate, or Karmic in a seeking context tend to be used by only one side of the relationship.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Wikipedia’s fact popularity contest is becoming a model for the establishment of consensus truths, in that, general definitions or narratives are being adapted, edited, and rewritten by users constantly. And, this directly influences further usage trends. Frequency of use is becoming more of a prioritized indicator of “what something means” over a word’s connection to etymological roots or repetitive historical usage (i.e., more concrete meaning). It’s not necessarily bad. It is what it is.
The digital age has hyperbolically accelerated organic linguistic and factual evolution without much integration time. Rushing things tends to create greater room for error and false foundations. Meanings change rapidly because the information is ungrounded; it is susceptible to whimsical mutation after mutation because it has no connection to its roots.
The words become arbitrary, empty shells disconnected from any depth of feeling, history, or tradition. The thoughts, the emotions, the intentions, and the use of the word do not tend to match up when a person is using popular labels for something they do not perceive themselves to have, let alone understand. Using the same word as someone else is, more and more, less likely to guarantee sharing the same meaning.
Words are magical tools. “Magic”, or more commonly called today “trying to manifest” (conscious awareness of what you are saying, doing, and where you put your energy and how it lines up with what you experience) is a big responsibility. You speak things into existence all the time with or without a wizard hat and wand, especially when there is emotion behind it. Heightened awareness allows you to see this more clearly rather than remain ignorant to the process.
Most people using the “magic [emotionally charged] words” Twin Flame, Soul Mate, Karmic feel they are seeking commitment to a person, but emotionally, they are investing all their energy committing to abstract ideas that keep them in a place of endless seeking. When you use and feed phrases like Twin Flame, Soul Mate, or Karmic with your deepest, most vulnerable emotions, you are establishing emotional intimacy with a concept rather than a person.
When you tend to use the words liberally among equally confused users, you are creating a soup of intimacy problems. If you choose to add the complication of solo or partnered sex, a person’s physical creation and manifestation energy, to the equation of confused words, thoughts, and emotions, good luck out there.
The energetic imprint on Soul Mate, Twin Flame, Karmic and the like are riddled with the energy of all the users speaking these words often while in a place of seeking without attainment. This is one reason people who resonate with a “Twin Flame Journey,” or “Quest for the Soul Mate” are likely to create the feeling of a wild goose chase mentioned at the outset and/or chaotic relationship dynamics, generally. The more they use the words, the more they end up playing “Marco Polo” not with “the potential other half of their soul” but with the energetic experiences promised by the words they have committed so deeply to.
These energetic experiences, fed by the frequent users of the words, tend to look like whatever will keep a person in a place of seeking without finding. Desperate tests of self-worth, bottomless caves of personal shadow, general confusion, and a journey that has no clear destination, for example. Those unpleasant things then become the “signs” that “you’re getting closer” chants the spiritual community.
Something starts to smell fishy, however, and you start to ask yourself, was I actually dealing with the, for example, Twin Flame, or, maybe this must be the False Twin concept that people are suddenly talking about? Or, f*%@ this spiritual BS. Is it too late to go back to my crazy Ex?
IS IT SAFE TO EVER SPEAK AGAIN?
Yes, it is still safe to speak. Combining awareness with language choice is a lifelong practice. Be content with where you are. No need to freak out. Let’s look at some baseline definitions and an interpretation of their recent evolution. My definitions may not be the most popular, but for what it’s worth, they might be a more honest assessment of what people say and what they think they mean when they’re saying it.
WHAT DO THE WORDS REALLY MEAN?
“Soul Mate” was the hot phrase for a while until the awareness movement created more ego-driven ambitions around spiritualizing partnership. “Twin Flame” became the Mt. Everest for a seemingly promised sense of worthiness and acknowledgement by another; we tend to justify pain by telling ourselves the greater the struggle, the greater the reward. I’ve seen all kinds of shameful looks cast for someone just settling for one of their many Soul Mates (one with whom there is a feeling of remembrance perhaps of lifetimes experienced together or just a deeper, more immediate familiarity) than going for the Twin Flame or the One.
Those striving to find the elusive connection, in practice, discovered that setting such a goal resulted in more shadow work than experience of fulfilment. So, the phrase “Karmic” started surfacing to both justify the period of growth through intense struggle, provide a spiritual out for the shame and awkwardness of having to work through so much shadow with someone who you couldn’t possibly look at after the fact, and cheerfully promise that something better is around the bend.
SEVEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK
Defining and explaining “karma” is too complicated to get into here because the concept is too simple. It seems to be an unfortunate practice among English-speakers to attach unnecessary complexity to words that are not English. Karma is your actions. Period. If you have sophisticated belief systems about consequence, parallel realities, multiple lifetimes, divine justice, punishment of sins, and other fun abstract things, you will project all of this onto the unsuspecting word and create your own hell trying to understand the laws of cause and effect for yourself and others in your personal Universe.
“Karmic” in YouTube and tarot communities tends to refer to a temporary relationship entanglement where critical lessons are learned through someone else before “your person” is “ready” for you. It is primarily used when talking about someone else, because “awakened” people don’t make these kinds of identification errors. Or, perhaps you’ve been slogging away for a while, a tarot reader takes pity on you and reassures you that you’re only dealing with a “Karmic,” and the real deal is coming.
THE JOURNEY DEAD END
There inevitably comes a point when the “journey” starts to get tedious. I’m doing so much work, and it’s getting harder to breathe, so I must be closer to the top, but where I’m at certainly ain’t it, even though I have no idea what “the top” actually looks like in practical terms. And, I don’t believe in regret because that would mean I’m not living in gratitude, so I’m staying positive and focusing on the lessons I have learned in this situation, but, ultimately, I still feel sad and disconnected. So, I must not be there yet.
This leaves New Agers in two camps: do I take the boat or the Mystery Box? Do I settle for the Soul Mate or keep pushing for the Twin Flame? Can I bide time with a Soul Mate and still be a good, spiritual person, while I secretly do my inner work and wait for the Twinnie to show up? It’s not a dick move because they’re my understanding Soul Mate, and they’ll realize they’re just a Soul Mate and not my Twin, so it’s all good. This psychology is of course not restricted to the spiritual path, but as we’re on a mystical site, let’s stick with that milieu.
RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE
Here’s the kicker. Can you theoretically create a Twin Flame, Soul Mate or Karmic experience with absolutely anyone? In your own head, yes, you can. It’s your own head that informs your reality, and you cannot and should not attempt to control other people. The amount of emotion and energy you give to your situation is likely to say more about the “type” of relationship it might be or become. That, of course, is likely subject to change if you’re primarily giving your attachment to the label and dream space over what’s right in front of you.
Spend enough time with anyone or give your full attention to a stranger in an intense moment, and in both cases, you will probably feel like, wow, you’ve probably had a past life together. But, is it really consciously consensual? Or are you projecting the depth your One ought to have onto your unsuspecting prey? Are you having open conversations without applying persuasion or seduction tactics to elicit your desired responses and validate the commitment you already made in your mind?
This is the crux of the issue. The more one-sided a relationship dynamic is, the more important the labels seem to become. The energy of consensual commitment required to keep a relationship healthy and balanced now becomes forged not between two people but between one person and a label for that other person. In these dynamics, in times of distress, it is rarely clear communication but the force of belief in the label that seems to keep it all going.
GET A NEW PHONE
Let’s say you fell into a partnership in youth or primarily reactive circumstances, and you just made the best of it. Now you feel a call to integrate more of a spiritual path into your daily life. Can a pre-existing relationship develop into a more spiritualized one, or does planned obsolescence apply to partnerships entered into at times of perceived lower spiritual development?
Do we have to upgrade our partners like we do our devices just to stay in alignment? Does learning about the possibility of Twin Flames or Soul Mates or Karmics mean that you have to completely start over with new people to fit these new labels? Of course not, but I’m not going to make that decision for you, and no reader should have to. That would be persuasively enabling you into emotional attachment to the beliefs of someone outside a partnership in question. Does this mean readers can’t read the future?
DON’T STOP BELIEVING
Visions, ideals, imaginary pictures or qualities one is curious or passionate to experience in life are not bad in and of themselves. Used correctly, they help us strive forth in a particular direction with joy and gusto. I am not telling you to burn your vision boards in a dramatic bonfire. I am not suggesting that you close your heart to sharing points of emotional vulnerability with trusted friends, advisors, readers.
I am not even telling you to stop using romantic labels, especially if they provide a dose of healthily integrated inspiration or motivation from time to time. Be aware, however, of your frequency and reliance on it. How much energy are you giving to the dream space and how much are you then taking from that and actively applying in real life?
When people talk about seeking a Twin Flame or Soul Mate partnership, what they’re usually trying to describe is a balanced, respectful relationship where two individuals can both be themselves and evolve together, spiritually and otherwise, in a safe space. There is usually an unspoken hope for said relationship to bring healing to past perceived failures and negative relationship patterns without directly imposing that expectation onto the other person. There is a vulnerability in not knowing exactly what that looks like. There is a surrender required not just in one’s head but between two people.
Abstract terms and visions create space between what seems to be on the surface and what could make its way in. Dreaming and visioning requires relaxation of control, and this surrender is critical to organic evolution, growth, love, and co-creation. If one is attempting to forge a spiritual partnership, however it could be defined by the spiritual mainstream, open, honest, trusting, vulnerable communication and sharing of visions is probably going to have to make its way in there at some point. At some point, the committed attachment to the training wheels label will have to come off and be replaced with an actual person.
Part Two: Hell is Other People (forthcoming) will address the darker side of things.